Not If You’re Chinese* (Updated)

Tod Goldberg reveals: Dean Koontz = Batshit Crazy:

He then went on to read us the letters he’d sent to the Japanese chairman of the film company in question where he asked repeatedly to have his name removed from the film. The letters were about, generally, the US kicking Japanese ass in World War II, the inability of the Japanese to defend themselves against Godzilla, some more fascinating invective about the US defeating the Japanese, a touching bit about Pearl Harbor, another about the Bataan Death March, a touch more about the Japanese surrender and then, of course, a bit about Mothra, too. Each letter was addressed to "Mr. Teriyaki." (Internment camps were not mentioned in any of the letters, which I assume was a simple omission on Mr. Koontz’s part and will be rectified in the future.)

Stunningly, the audience thrilled to the stories! The laughter cascaded about the room! People dabbed tears! Do you have any stories about your hatred of the Jews, Mr. Koontz? Any good ones about the Muslim world? How about a notation on some more racial stereotypes you’ve used when negotiating your name off other shitty movies?

Read the whole thing. Some of you have heard me rant about Dean Koontz’s dog Trixie being forced to write books (and apparently make New Year’s resolutions) in the past. Free Trixie! Whatever you do, don’t tell him she’s a Japanese spy!

*This will only make sense to you if you happened to be at the ICFA banquet of 2000-aught2. Suffice to say, some of us have witnessed similiarly baffling speechery.

Updated: I missed Lee Goldberg’s post on same, which features an account of an exchange with Dean Koontz after reading his post. I particularly love the concessions he made:

I got a call today from Dean Koontz, who wasn’t pleased about the comments here. I apologized to him for using "Sambo" and "Kike" as comparisons for his use of "Mr. Teriyaki" to refer to the Asian exec. He found the use of those words pejorative and said they mischaracterized the tenor of his speech. I agreed. So I  have changed them to "Mr. Fried Chicken" and "Mr. Matzoball." I believe his speech was offensive and in bad taste — and I reiterated that belief to him in our phone conversation.

Updated: The LA Times covers the speech and resulting dust-up and Tod Goldberg reacts, once again in hilarious fashion.